My Strange Mind
by Amagoi
Summary: A certain ignored and bored survivor finds a strange way to pass a little time. P.S. Kate is wondering where her perfume is right about now... OC, Oneshot


Author's Notes: xD This story turned out quite funny. I don't know how I got the idea, I just did :P I like the character I made, he reminds me of myself XD

Disclaimer: Don't own Lost. Yeah, whatever.

* * *

It's been a whole month, and we're still on this damn island. For some reason, I don't really mind. You'd think I'd be hyperventilating, or something. What if help never comes? I don't really care. Not like I had much going for me on normal land, anyway.

Wife cheated on me. Took the kids. Left me to get on a plane back to America to live in my parent's basement. AGAIN.

Life is unfair. Most of the people that ever say that don't really have the right. They're just complaining. Not me.

Plane crash. Stranded. Help…NEVER COMING. You get the picture.

But it's not too bad, here on the island. The island is strange, the survivors are strange, but it's still not too bad.

The woman on this island…HOTT. Whoa boy. Did a plane of models crash too when I wasn't looking?

There's Sun, the Asian chick. Asian goodness. She's currently available, her husband kinda dumped her…because she speaks English. Can't really blame him, I guess. Dude, who doesn't know their own wife speaks English? But I think Michael has dibs on her. I see him sneaking google-eyes at her, every now & then. But in my opinion, I think Sun has the hots for Jack.

Damn doctors. What's so great about doctors, anyway?

Then there's Claire. The "Pregnant Chick". Well, former, anyway. She had her baby a few days ago…it's really cute. But it's the most obvious thing on the island, that Charlie is her man. I didn't see her for a few days at one time, it was like she had disappeared, then she suddenly showed up again. Rumors are going around that she was kidnapped & lost her memory somehow. Yeah right! Haha, the stories people make up when they're bored & stranded on an island.

Oh yeah, she's blonde. Everyone loves blondes.

Another blonde…Shannon. She whines too much, though. Kinda reminds me of my ex-wife. Minus the Barbie-doll beauty.

The only person I really know on this island is Hurley. He's cool. Reminds me of myself. Minus the glasses & acne, though. But we're both overweight. Not like that's a bad thing.

I met him when he was going around asking people for information. Got carried away. Told him a paragraph of my life-story. Found out that we had a lot in common.

I don't know much about anyone else, really. The island is strange, the survivors are strange. But I already said that. I like to keep to myself at times.

Well, Jack. EVERYONE knows about Jack. He's the doctor guy. When we crashed, I cut my shoulder. It was minor. He fixed it. I also had this problem with breathing too. Think I inhaled a little too much gas or something. But I've always had a bit of asthma, I'm geekish type of guy, if you couldn't tell.

Sawyer. Don't know much about him. Just that he's way hotter then me.

Charlie. Don't know much about him. Just that he was part of a British band called "Drive _shift_" or something. Who names a band after a type of car? Oh, yeah, and he's also way hotter then me.

Jack. Like I said. Doctor guy. Also hotter then me. His nose is really perfect. Weirdo…

Locke. Old, wrinkly Hunter Guy. He gets the boar to eat. Thank you god.

Sayid. The Iraqi. Go America, and stuff. He's also hotter then me. (The Iragis get everything.)

Jin. Don't even ask. He's hotter then me, though. But that doesn't matter, because I speak English. I win!

Michael. I like Michael. He's okay, don't know much about him though. He's not that hot. But yeah, still hotter then me.

Walt. The "Kid". There are other kids on this island, yet not once have I seen him playing with any of them or anything. He's weird, there's just something about him. His dog's weird too. Is he hotter then me? Dude, he's a kid. (but yeah, he is….so is the dog. I'm sad.)

Why am I comparing myself to these guys? I guess it's because I have nothing else to do. Well, I'm writing this letter, aren't I?

I wonder if she is on the beach today. I would love to see her right now. The woman of my dreams…Kate. I think I'm in love with that brown-haired beauty. I think she's become an obsession. I stole a bottle of her perfume. From her suitcase of clothes. When she wasn't looking. It smells really nice.

It smells like Kate. She doesn't even know I exist, though. Damn my ugliness.

I hate Jack. And I guess Sawyer, too. But I'm a little afraid to hate him. He beat up Boone once, and he's dead now. Don't know for sure how. 

Karma. That's what _I_ say.

…

Well. It's been about 10 minutes. Don't know what else to write. I better give this pen back before Claire realizes I've stole it. Again.

Yeah, whatever.

-Bob

P.S. If anyone finds the bottle with this letter in it floating in the ocean, and is reading this right now, please do me ONE favor.

Tell my friends at the Star Wars, Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith convention that I won't be able to make it.


End file.
